The bittersweet job of midwifery

I had a great day Tuesday helping at prenatals! I just had to post about it! One of the most bittersweet things about helping families through midwifery is the 6-week postpartum appointment.

I love seeing these beautiful babies thriving on breastmilk and love from mom and dad. It is so great to see these babies and remember that just 6 short weeks ago we didn't even know who they were or what they looked like! In such a short time, they each develop their own personality and show glimpses of what they'll be like as they get older.

The moms and dads go through an amazing transformation, especially the first-time moms and dads. By 6 weeks, they've managed to figure out their baby's cries and how to make her smile. Their relationship has deepened to include the joy they share of parenting their new baby. It is such a wonderful thing to behold!!!

I feel gratified to know I had some small part in this whole huge thing. As a student, I'm not nearly as involved in their lives as my preceptor is, but I have developed relationships of my own with these families. Even if my only role were to be as a witness to this life-changing event, I would still feel so honored to be a part of it.

The first 6-week appointment was for a couple who ended up transporting and having a c-section. While you would think their birth experience was horrible, it was absolutely beautiful, and the mom thought so too. In her words, she got to experience just about every kind of birth all in one -- the best that homebirth had to offer for labor, a smooth hospital transport, a respectful hospital staff, and a c-section after all available alternatives had been explored. She was happy with her birth experience, mainly because every decision was made only when it was clear that it was the best thing to do given the circumstances at the time. Because she was an active participant in all of the decision making, she felt at ease with the decisions that were made.

The second 6-week appointment was for a woman whose sheer determination was the deciding factor on whether she would birth at home. She didn't have health insurance, and she and her husband could not afford a hospital birth, so she was determined to have her baby at home unless it became a situation where her baby's or her health was in danger. She had a great labor up until the time to push. Then, after 6 grueling hours of pushing, there came a point where we had to make a decision about whether we were going to be able to continue at home. When we told her this, her attitude became very serious, and she stood up on the bed and squatted deeply and pushed with all her might. Progress, finally! She moved to the floor where she continued to squat while pushing. Soon after, her baby was born! If she had been giving birth in a hospital, she surely would have ended up with a c-section, but at home we were able to help her find a way to make her vaginal birth happen.

The third 6-week postpartum visit was from a mom who ended up transporting and having a vaginal birth in the hospital. It wasn't what she had originally planned, but she was at peace with how it all happened. The truly amazing thing about this woman was her transformation into being a mother. The moment her baby was born, her life completely changed in ways she never could have imagined. Up until that time, her dogs were her life. Now, with her beautiful son in her arms, her priorities instantly changed, and now her baby boy is everything to her. It was such a beautiful thing to see her completely changed by motherhood.

Each of the three 6-week appointments were for women whose births were more challenging than most. Each met the challenge in different ways, and each ended up with a different outcome. Although they didn't all end up having their babies at home, they did end up happy with the birth experience they had. Each woman felt that she was in charge of her birth, she directed the outcome. I think as midwives that is one of the greatest gifts of our profession.

So, what is the bittersweet part of the 6-week postpartum appointments? Having to say goodbye to these women is so very hard! The memory of working with each of them is on my heart forever, and I have a hard time accepting that I may never see them again. I'll probably never get updates about how they or their babies are doing, and that's really a sad thing for me. I hope it isn't always like that. I hope they do keep in touch. Just a quick email now and again would mean the world to me! Of course, they will go on with their lives, which is how it should be. And, I'll go on with my life. But, from time to time, I know I'll remember things about them and I'll wonder how they are doing. Bittersweet.